I Can't Lose You
by XxPinkSkyxX2
Summary: (Takes place after HTTYD 2) One-shot. “Can’t you see how much I love you! I’m doing this for you because I care for you, Astrid. I lost Dad, then I lost Mom, then I lost Toothless with the rest of the dragons - I can’t lose you! You’re the only one I have left, Astrid, please understand that.” Hiccstrid. Hiccup x Astrid. COMPLETED.


**_Normal POV_**

 _"Get... your hands... off me!" Astrid demanded in anger, squirming to get out from an auburn male's tight grip. It surprised her how strong Hiccup was, although her lack of strength was probably caused by her emotional mentality she endured for three years._

 _Alone, forced, taken from her will, and was caged like an animal. She was treated like some sort of personal slave for three years by_ him _\- the man she's loved for years and supported. But he changed. He was no longer the sarcastic, cute, and confident individual who won her heart._

 _Instead, he was a forceful, commanding, and an insensitive dictator that destroyed every bit of exhilaration in his village. He turned his back on his people, ignored their needs, and only cared for what he wanted. He turned Berk from a proud, powerful village to a depressing, isolated prison._

 _"Hiccup!" Astrid cried, trying to pry her arms away. "Let me go! You're hurting me already!" But the auburn male only tightened his grasp, his eyes burning in anger._

 _"No," Hiccup replied sharply. "I told you... I told you twice; if you escape one more time, I won't treat you as nicely anymore. You were under my mercy, yet you decided to abuse it by running off."_

 _Astrid growled, tearing her eyes away from him. It was true, she has been escaping - this was her eighth attempt, and it was, again, a failure._

 _Hiccup scowled at her. He released her left arm to grab a hold of her jaw. The blonde female tried to shake his hand off, but he gripped on her chin and forced her to look straight at him. His pale, soulless eyes - that used to be bright and lively, but now Astrid could no longer see the green in them - pierced through azure orbs._

 _"You have no one to go to out there. Everyone is either in prison or working like bees; you're lucky to be here, living under my roof, eating decent food - yet you don't appreciate what I'm doing for you," Hiccup stated._

 _"I'd rather live in the forest than here," Astrid snarled, pulling her head back to tear Hiccup's hand from her face. "_ Anywhere _is better than_ here _."_

 _Her response only deepened his glare and ignite his anger. "Don't talk back to me like that, Astrid," Hiccup threatened._

 _"Bite me," Astrid challenge, the words coming through her gritting teeth._

 _Hiccup's brows dipped in irritation, clearly upset and annoyed by her disobedience and impudent audacity. Growling in discontent, the auburn man pushed her to wall hard. Astrid whined in protest, pain striking her from the back._

 _In a fraction of a second, Hiccup's head dipped down, his rough lips crashing onto hers. Astrid grunted at the feel of him kissing her; his lips were as cold as his heart. She never kissed back. She never does. Instead, she stood motionless, her sulking eyes glued to the ceiling._

 _At this point, Astrid objected protesting against him. It was useless. Fighting back would only increase his desire to hurt or even force his way to her. And Astrid did not want that. This cycle is going to continue for as long as she lives; if she was lucky, then she might have a chance to elude to a better place._

 _If there was._

 _But again, any place was better than staying in a house with this bastard._

 _His mouth left hers after a few minutes. Eventually, his lips grazed against her jaw, then to her neck. Chills ran down her body, leaving her hair rising. Astrid was disgusted, resisting not to cry in shame._

 _Hiccup was monster in her eyes, and nothing can change that. He can offer her as much gold as he can, or give her food that the villagers are willing to fight for, or even show the slightest sign of kindness - her perspective of him will never change._

 _He will always be the monster that stole her life, her innocence, her friends, her family, her will, her future, and mostly, her freedom from her._

 _"You're_ mine _," Hiccup declared against her neck, his hot breath tickling the soft skin beneath his lips. "No one else's - you belong to me."_

 _Astrid scoffed, rolling her eyes. She refused to believe she was some sort of property or toy Hiccup can play with it. Despite the disbelieving reality, it was true. The blonde female was basically his prisoner._

 _Hiccup resisted getting physical to express how furious he was with her, but he won't. He doesn't like the idea of hurting her. But when things get too heated between them, Hiccup has no choice but to do it._

 _After a few minutes of pondering, the young Chief leaned closer her, his teeth lashing out to her neck. He bit down hard, sucking it a bit to make sure he left a mark. Astrid bit her lip to sustain herself from crying out, knowing how painful this 'marking' was._

 _Several seconds later, Hiccup pulled away, kissing the newly marked skin he left. "I think you're forgetting you're carrying my child," Hiccup whispered to her ear, which caused the hair behind her neck to rise._

 _"Don't remind me," Astrid replied bitterly. It had terrified her weeks ago when the Elder notified them about her pregnancy. Astrid was in utter shock, however, in the other hand, Hiccup was pleased._

 _The child growing inside her was the only reason Astrid wanted to stay here; to keep him or her healthy. But Hiccup was unbearable. Even if half of the child was Hiccup, Astrid was still a part of the baby. If only she can find a way to escape to a different island, a place to start anew with the baby._

 _Hiccup truly didn't enjoy her bitter attitude, it was finally starting to tick him off. "You're raising him with me whether you like it or not; he's our baby, Astrid."_

 _"He?" She questioned. "How are you so sure it's a boy?"_

 _Hiccup grinned. "I just know," He answered. "If it does turn out to be a boy, I promise it'll be a girl next time if you want."_

 _As if there's going to be a next time, Astrid said to herself. I have to leave while it's still early. It'll be more difficult once the baby bump starts appearing._

 _Hiccup noticed her silence. "Why are you always so unhappy?" Astrid gave him a face - if only she could recite every reason why he caused her to be so depressed. "I'm giving you everything anyone could ask for, but you're still so unappreciative."_

 _The blonde female paused for a few seconds, taking time to find the right answer to summarize the situation. "You're no longer the man you used to be," Astrid uttered a whisper, sorrow etching on her face as memories flashed in her mind._

 _She could still remember that warm smile her Hiccup - the old Hiccup - would give her every time he looks at her. She could still hear his adorable stutters and awkward rambling every time he makes a fool of himself. She could still feel his sweet kisses, and the I love you's that come after that._

 _But those were all in Astrid's mind, a figment of her imagination. The Hiccup Haddock standing before her now did not carry those habits. His smile was bland, he never stutters, and his kisses were not the same - they were boring and she could not find the sparks in them._

 _Hiccup turned into who he is now from hatred and anger. He imprisoned his village from other islands, made new rules, and took Astrid as his prisoner-bride._

 _"Then what do you want me to be then? Tell me, Astrid," Hiccup stated._

 _Astrid shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, as if she was a puppet controlled by someone. "It doesn't matter anymore, too late now because everything... everything," She started, now staring into his eyes. "That you have done to me and to the village was unforgivable and cannot be undone."_

 _Hiccup's face contorted, his body pressing hard against her. "Gods darn it, Astrid!" He exclaimed, his hands curling to fists to the wall beside her shoulders. "Can't you see how much I love you?! I'm doing this for you because I care for you, Astrid. I lost Dad, then I lost Mom, then I lost Toothless with the rest of the dragons - I can't lose you! You're the only one I have left, Astrid, please understand that."_

 _In a second, Hiccup's face softened, his voice breaking up as he remembered losing the ones he loved. The dragons had left, and it caused Hiccup to fall into depression. Nevertheless, that depression turned into hatred, which eventually turned Hiccup into a walking, angry emotion._

 _Astrid didn't look convince, her features twisted to a glare that rivaled against his. "You show your affection by literally taking everything in my life?" She spat her words out like poison. "That's not how love works, Hiccup."_

 _"It does for me."_

 _"I'll never return back the feeling," Astrid remarked. "No matter how much you try, I'll only be a pain in the neck, a burden - I won't be your sweet, loving bride. I'll never love you the same way again."_

 _Hiccup was beyond frustrated. As chief, he can order her to love him back, but the fact that she doesn't irritates him. He was used to getting the things he wanted. However, in this case, he couldn't. The auburn male has heard people say that the things they want the most are the things they can't have._

 _"Then I'll make you love me again," Hiccup announced with determination Astrid didn't appreciate. "I don't care how long it takes, I just want you to love me back. I'll do anything for that to happen."_

 _"You know what you should do?" Astrid hissed, her mouth curling to a sneer. "You can get the f*ck away from me. I don't need you, I'd rather die than be with you."_

 _"Stop saying that," Hiccup demanded._

 _A short series of memories began flooding her mind, causing Astrid to fall into a pit of sorrow and nostalgia. She could feel the stinging pain forming in her eyes that told her she wanted to cry, but she held them in._

 _Her voice was what threw away her stoic impression. "Before - the first few months after you imprisoned me here - every night, I wished everything would go back to the things they were. But even if the gods somehow manage to turn back time to fix this, you'll still be a monster in my eyes. I don't think I can ever learn to love you again."_

 _"It's not my darn fault everything is falling apart!" Hiccup shouted, trying to defend himself._

 _Astrid shook her head slowly. "You had the chance to turn back and not become... this," she stated, gesturing to his whole body. "You had your choices on the palm of yours hands - but you chose the wrong path because you couldn't contain yourself."_

 _"Stop!" Hiccup hissed. "Stop! Stop!"_

 _Astrid pressed on. "I tried to help you, Hiccup. I tried - day and night, but you wouldn't let me. I gave you dozens... dozens of chances but you always turned your back and said you were fine even though you weren't," She recalled. "You never showed any sign of care for me until you turned into a maniac. You've been demanding ever since - you only paid attention to what you wanted."_

 _"Shut up!"_

 _"You shut up," Astrid retorted. "I don't love you, it's better that way. Just let me go, Hiccup." Her firm and serious features were replaced by a desperate, pleading look. "Please... I'm begging you. Hiccup, I want to be free again."_

 _"No," He refused, like a child. "I'll never let you go, never, not ever. You're mine, and it's staying that way. Are you seriously forgetting the child inside you, Astrid? Who's going to feed both of you out there? Who's going to take you in? No one can afford another mouth to feed - not to mention two. You're being unreasonable and selfish. Are you not thinking for our baby's health?" Hiccup scolded._

 _Astrid didn't back down. "I don't want this baby to know his father is a demon. We're both better off without you, Hiccup. My parents are still out there, they'll take me in. Once I'm finally back in their arms, they'll leave with me to another place, safer than here. And knowing I'm carrying a baby, they won't leave me in the hands of a monster."_

 _"You're never leaving this house, Astrid!" Hiccup declared, pushing himself from the wall. "You're staying here whether you like it or not. You belong to me, and no one else."_

 _"Can't you understand I don't want to be with you?!" She yelled out, her voice thundering inside the living room. It was so loud the guard outside flinched. "I've told you several times before - I want to leave and never see you again. You took my life away and broke me inside! I can't stand seeing you every morning, I can't stand your attitude toward everyone, I can't stand... you! Basically everything about you!"_

 _"ASTRID!" Hiccup snapped, shutting her up._

 _To her surprise, his tone had caused her heart to skip a beat. She doesn't want to admit that she was afraid of him, but her insecurities and paranoia were finally catching up to overshadow her confidence she's been trying to build for months._

 _Hiccup tore his eyes from her, pinching the bridge of his nose as he paced around the room. He couldn't handle her anymore, and he could feel the rising heat bubbling in his stomach. Anything more to anger him will finally send him over the edge._

 _After a few seconds of breathing in and out to calm himself down before he commits anything violent, the auburn turned to Astrid, an emotionless expression on his face. "I'm going to ask you a simple question, and I want an answer I'll be satisfied with," Hiccup spoke in a deep tone, almost demonic if that was possible. "Do you love me?"_

 _Astrid knew what he was trying to do. He knew she had to say yes because all she can rely on food and a home was him. That was the only way he can get her to say what he wanted to hear from her._

 _But Astrid was honest._

 _Using the last shred of her pride and confidence still emitting from her heart, she spoke loud and proud,_

 _"No."_

 _It didn't take a while before Hiccup lost himself. In a second, he was in front of her. Astrid let out a sharp gasp once she felt a strong grip against her neck. His hand had closed around her throat, squeezing it tight._

 _"... -ic... cup..." Astrid breath out a croak as she tried to gasp for air, but her throat was blocked._

 _Hiccup only saw red as he lifted her up, her back glued to the wall. Everything was going so fast Astrid couldn't notice. It may be caused from the lack of breath she was enduring. Although suffering from a choke hold, the blonde female looked down at the chief._

 _He was definitely a different person. Whoever, whatever he tries to impersonate, he will never be the same Hiccup from before. Her Hiccup would never harm her; but this new, malevolent Hiccup does._

 _Hiccup had truly lost his mind. He couldn't think properly, all he had set for an objective was teach Astrid a lesson about not ever making him upset. Nevertheless, he has gone too far._

 _Astrid's grip on his wrist began to loosen as she feel the last breath of air exit her mouth. Slowly, her protesting hands fell limp to her sides, along with the rest of her body._

 _The only force keeping her up was Hiccup's hand on her neck. As the quiet silence pass by, the auburn male soon started swimming back to reality. Hiccup gasped sharply at the sight of Astrid hanging onto him like a lifeless rag doll._

 _"Wait... no!" He cried. Hiccup's breathing exhilarated as he watch Astrid's eyes gradually move down. "Astrid!"_

 _The young chief quickly gathered the blonde female in his arms, handling her gently like a fragile flower. He cradled her in his arms. "Astrid?" His voice sounded petrified, as if he couldn't believe what he just did to her. To his Astrid._

 _"No..." Hiccup whispered, shaking his head._

 _His heart squeezed in pain as his breathing became more ragged. He had killed her. He had killed his beloved, all because of his anger. Not only did he kill her, but also the child inside her._

 _"Astrid!" Hiccup cried, now sobbing in shock and regret. "No, no, no, no!" He continue to wail. "Astrid!"_

 _He continued crying, like a child throwing a tantrum over a broken toy. He stared at Astrid with horror, eyes widening to size of golf balls._

 _Then, Hiccup started losing his sanity. He was no longer inside a living room, but in a pit of darkness where he and Astrid were the only ones present. The pair floated on air, weightless and alone._

 _Astrid's dead body floated away from Hiccup, as if some force was taking her away from him. The auburn male noticed what was happening, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion._

 _That was when he realized she was now floating upward toward nothingness. "Astrid!" Hiccup shouted for her. The gods were taking her to Valhalla already. It was a moment of regret for Hiccup. He felt ashamed for his actions, for killing Astrid._

 _"Astrid!" Hiccup shouted for her, tears spewing out from his eyes. "No! Come back!"_

Hiccup's hand flung forward while he was still in bed, reaching for nothing as his fingers circled around air. In his mind, he stretched his arm in hopes to take back what was his, but only to be grounded while Astrid was taken by the gods.

"Ast... Astrid... no... come back... ASTRID!" Hiccup's eyes snapped open in fright. His upper body jerked forward, his sweaty, bare chest arching up and down due to his ragged breathing. "Wha.. what the..."

It was a dream - correction; nightmare.

Hiccup sighed in relief as his back hit the fur sheets. It was never real. Astrid was still here; sleeping silently beside him.

Was she?

His head turned to the right, but to only see an empty space beside him. The dim light of the candle illuminated the space to his right, showing no presence of a blonde female.

Hiccup's heart instantly dropped. That wasn't a nightmare, it was a memory.

He sat upright immediately, his face bearing horrified expression. His hands grasped the sheets covering no one. Astrid should be beside him, but she wasn't. "No!" Hiccup choked on his own cries, kicking his legs at nothing while hugging the cold blanket to his chest.

"ASTRIIIIIIIID!" Hiccup sobbed desperately, shutting his eyes as he helplessly take in the truth of her death. "NO! ASTRID!"

He wailed and screamed at the same time, grieving at the loss he had caused. He should be ashamed of himself; punished for his crimes for murder. Hiccup cried as if here was no tomorrow, he cried as if someone was slitting him several times with a whip.

He remained desperately begging the gods to give Astrid back...

... until a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder.

Hiccup immediately whirled his head back, eyes bloodshot and soaked in tears. A concerned face bordered with messy, golden locks stared at him in worry and confusion. He couldn't believe who he was seeing right now.

Standing in front of him; strong, healthy, alive - it was none other than Astrid herself.

"Hiccup, are you al-"

Astrid could not finish her sentence until Hiccup's hands stretched over to her face, squeezing her jaw and cheeks to make sure if it really was her and not some sort of figure in his mind.

Relief washed his dread and sorrow as he relaxed in peace.

Still puzzled, Astrid yelped once Hiccup wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her down to bed with him. He buried his face on her neck as he quietly sobbed again - he didn't know if these were tears of joy or tears of relief. Maybe both.

"Hiccup, I don't... what's wrong with-" He quietly shushed her.

"Just let me hold you," Hiccup whispered softly, hugging her closer to his body as gently as possible, afraid to hurt her in anyway. "Just let me hold you."

Astrid remained perplexed at her husband's odd behavior. Nevertheless, judging by the looks of how he clung onto her like a lost kid, he looked afraid and vulnerable. Sighing lightly, she maneuvered her position, leaning back to the warm pillows before pulling Hiccup to rest his head on her chest.

She soothe him by raking his auburn hair with her fingers, and also gently rubbing small circles against his back. In the middle of the night a while ago, Astrid had awoken to Toothless' nonsense warbling while he was still asleep. So she had to stand up and see what was wrong with him. After quieting the dragon down, Astrid was disturbed by Hiccup's abrupt screaming and cries. Confused and worries, she turned to him and placed a hand to his shoulder.

Astrid never expected the sudden jump once he saw her. Although she wanted answers from his strange act, Astrid had one job to do right now and it was too calm Hiccup down. He was still sobbing, which he tried to cover up but he couldn't.

Meanwhile, Hiccup wanted to stay in that position forever; his ear on her chest. He enjoyed Astrid's heart beating, indicating that she was alive. Toothless crawled over to the edge of the bed, cocking his head to the side in curiosity. Hiccup stretched a hand to pet him.

It _was_ a nightmare.

Astrid was not dead. His mother was not dead. The dragons are still here. And he wasn't some sort of dictator who turned his villagers into slaves.

After a short moment of silence, Hiccup finally spoke up.

"I had a nightmare," He whispered to her.

Astrid toyed with the two braids she made on his hair. "Everyone experiences nightmares," She assured him. "They're just silly games our minds do to torment us. It's normal to have one once in awhile."

Hiccup pushed himself to look at her. The blonde female could see the heartbroken look on his face as he gazed at her. He lifted his hand to her face, his warm palm cupping her cheek.

"I didn't enjoy mine."

"No one does." Astrid shrugged, smiling at him.

Hiccup leaned over to her, kissing her deeply on the lips. The pair laid still for a few minutes, their mouths moving in sync with each other.

"I had a nightmare where everything was wrong; everyone I love died, all the dragons left, and only you were left with me... but you didn't love me anymore because I was different. I-I... forced you to do everything I wanted you to do a-and you hated it... which made you hate me and... and... i-it felt so real I couldn't-"

"Shhh," Astrid whispered to end his never-ending rambling. "Nightmares aren't real, don't let this get to you."

"Astrid, I killed you," Hiccup cried, his heart twisting in pain at the memory of himself choking her. "Out of pure anger. It was stupid and... no matter how much I'm trying to forget about it... it just keeps coming back."

Hiccup felt himself start hyperventilating from the shock and worry he endured. Nevertheless, Astrid's warm hands cupped his cheeks, calming his nerves down. He gazed over to her soothing eyes, and the assuring smile on her face was enough to make him relaxed.

"I know you would never do that," Astrid stated, pulling him closer. "I know hurting me is the last thing you'd do. And I admire that about you. You're a gentleman - loyal, respectful... whoever you saw yourself in that nightmare is not you, definitely the opposite of the man I'm seeing the right now."

And she kissed him; long, sweet, and passionate. It didn't take long until he kissed her back. Hiccup poured all of his affection, passion and his undying love for her in that kiss as he clung onto her, fearing she might go away. Astrid, who noticed the movement, wrapped her arms around him to let him know she'll be right here, beside him forever.

"I love you," He told her, pulling away to look deeply into his eyes. "I love you, Astrid," Hiccup repeated, burying his face onto her neck. He softly kissed her the skin beneath his lips. His touch was like fire spreading across her body; fiery and hot.

Although it took more than words to express their love for each other, exchanging I love you's was enough to let one another know their desire to be together.

"I love you, too," Astrid said back with a smile. "You know, stress is what's triggering the nightmares to come. You've been stressing yourself everyday, nonstop worrying about the village when it's practically as strong as it's leader. The villagers are great, the dragons enjoy their home, everyone is doing fine except for their chief. You need to take a week - or more - to relax."

Hiccup thought for a few seconds. He remembered the moment in his nightmare where he killed Astrid, and the feeling of losing her to the gods above. He never wanted to see that ever again.

"Alright," Hiccup conceded. "I'll take a few weeks off, so I can spend more time with my wife."

Astrid, who was shocked at first, sighed in relief. Finally. Hiccup can finally leave someone as acting chief so he can relax for a while.

As they share another kiss, Hiccup placed a hand over Astrid's pregnant, four month old baby bump. His thumb grazed the surface stomach, which was covered by her night dress. Astrid's hand layered over his, a smile appearing on her face at the feel of his warm hand over her stomach.

"How's our little girl doing?" Hiccup asked, pulling away to speak before kissing her again.

"Good - but the baby's starting to kick once in awhile, it hurts, but I love it," Astrid replied in between the kiss. However, she pulled away once she caught something from Hiccup's question. "Little girl? How do you know it's going to be a girl?"

Hiccup smiled at her. "I just know," was all he said. "Why? You don't want a girl?"

"I do, but a boy would be good also, just because he'll look like you," Astrid chuckled.

Hiccup chuckled with her. He brought a hand to her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I promise it'll be a boy next time," He swore, his thumb rubbing her cheek.

"Oh, I know there will be a next time."

And with that, they shared another sweet kiss before snuggling close under the covers, sleep pulling them back. Hiccup's arms were comfortably around her waist, the warmth she has against him was enough to scare away the nightmares, and replace them with pleasant, peaceful dreams.

As the last few months of Astrid's pregnancy elapse by, it turns out Hiccup was right.

Their baby turned out to be girl.

 ** _The End_**


End file.
